Depression day 4

Funny how life goes round in circles. I have been trying to avoid this for at least a decade but now thanks to the pressure of work it's back - DEPRESSION. Having een described by my partner on my return from work on Tuesday as a basket case I arrived in my doectors consulting room on Wednesday to be told what I already knew- I am depressed!
That feeling of being totally useless is over powering the small voice that tells me I am a good teacher, mother, lover or whatever. The light at the end of the tunnel seems to move away every time I take a step towards it. I know that the pills will take a while to work but the suicidal thoughts don't make the wait any easier. So it's just time but the thought of going back to work just scares me to death and even hearing the solicitor saying SLT are holding out the olive branch does nothing to encourage my return to Thurstable so I won't be pushing the doc to get me back before the end of term. Still worrying about not gettign another job loom large and are not helping me get better. Well here's hoping time really does heal.

Hmm, time for a change??

If I'd have wanted a job with animals I'd have taken job at a zoo or safari park but just recently it feels like I spend too much time getting human animals to behave themselves for long enough to learn something than actually teaching. Sixteen years into the profession I find myself seeking help from someone who has not been doing the job as long as i have and has got to the position they are in by sucking up to the boss. Don't get me wrong the advice is sound but to take it from someone who was still in school when i started teaching is demoralising. Every profession has its share or creeps and crawlers but sometimes they really get up your nose. Well I guess I have little or no choice but to go along with the suggestions but quite frankly I don't believe anyone who comes to observe a lesson and who says I'm watching the kids behaviour and not how well you teach, it simply can't be done the two are so closely intertwined, so my ability to teach is going to be judged by a thirty something upstart DRAMA teacher who thinks he knows all there is to know about teaching, which quite frankly is crap. How a DRAMA teacher can tell anyone how to teach is beyond me in a subject where freedom of expression is the norm and desks are unheard of!!! Still means I have to put twice as much effort in as usual and maybe god forbid write a full lesson plan aarrrggghhhh!!!!! Well read later to find out what happens and if the upstart knows the job as well he professes.

Rainy Weekend

So what do you do on a rainy, cold Saturday in January. Well if you know it's raining I guess staying in bed is an option but even that gets boring after a while.
Well if you're me and in possession of a handy little program called Skype you chat to a friend who isn't cold and wet. In my case an Israeli friend in Jerusalem.
But eventually you have to bite the bullet, brave the weather or go hungry. which in my case was a quick walk to the stores on the high street.
Its now almost 10.30 and close to bed time or at least reading time. Seems as I get older I need to read earlier in the evening or fall asleeo during a crucial part of the plot which if you are a devotee of crime fiction does not help.
This is becoming a blog of me whinging but sometimes we all need to moan, sadly too many people seem to moan all the time and really get on the nerves of the rest of us 'normal' people.

Spring Term- new boss day 1

Well its been a long day, the alarm went off at 6am and it was nearly 12 hours later that I finally returned home The first day back at the chalkface or should that now be the whiteboard face. Whatever it is the sight of 30 12-13 year olds still in Christmas mode did not gladden the heart and neither did getting the voice going again.
First day of new term, first cover of said term. What kind of person cannot drag themselves back after nearly 2 weeks off I ask you!! And then some other poor sod, namely yours truly, has to deal with the charming individuals who probably hate maths as it is. Ok delayed flights in the summer may be a valid excuse but being snowed in in Colorado would be taking the piss.
As for the new boss when the first word that comes out of her mouth is a request as to whether or not the homework was completed , gee can't it wait until after hello? But that said she did get them back to me and with a big grin so maybe not all bad. I'll give her a little more rope and maybe she'll hang herself or better still just leave me in peace to do my job.

Tempus fugit

Where did the time go, the last 9 days seem to have vanished without trace and now the word I have been avoiding is looming larger on the horizon WORK!!!!!!! What it is with the powers that be that its not OK to give the kids extra homework, after all its CHRISTMAs but its OK to expect a full set of reports to be handed in on the first day of term. Still haven't managed to find the motivation to start them and time is running out. It didn't help that when I found the impetus I needed to go out into the cold and rain to buy a new cable for the lap top, and when I got home the moment had passed.
This Christmas has reminded me very much about relatives and why some shoudl be avoided at all costs, especially the ones that open their mouths first and think after the damage has been done. Sadly in this case the guilty party is my father who made the mistake of comparing my new partner to my ex. I am grateful that my partner managed to stay calm.
Well now its over and I have 2007 to look forward to the highlight of which will no doubt be our planned trip to Chile in April, the low despite myself will probably be the issuing of the decree nisi and the formal ending of my marriage.
I am hoping this blog will become the repository fro my reflections on teaching and the complex goings on in my personal life. But for now its off to try and make a start on the homework and travel vaccinations on Tuesday yipee Chile had better be worth it.

So this is Christmas

So thhis is Christmas and what have you done?

• Bought a turkey much to large
• Had a arguement with partner
• Wish the folks had stayed at home
• Bought your own presents
• Had to deal with daughters father being away
• Spent hours cooking a meal that vanished in minutes
• Looked at the TV guide in disbelief
• Went to the boxing day sales that bgean in the 27th
• Looked forward to the New Year and the kitchen being replaced
• And sympathised with Scrooge BAH HUMBUG
• 
  

Well three days to go and counting, not till Christmas that is just to the end of term. Then the fun really starts trying to fit into five days what should have taken five weeks had I got my act togther. Still it won't be a normal Christmas having split from my husband earlier in the year. More of that sorry tale later maybe.